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I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
28 September 2011 @ 03:47 am
My life still sucks. That's about all. :/
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
18 September 2011 @ 05:17 am
Back by popular demand: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"





And now featuring: "It's gonna blow!"

 
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
07 August 2011 @ 08:53 pm
I had been feeling sick for about a week before last Thursday. I had headaches, and stiffness in my neck and my around my body. I tried to ignore it for about a week but eventually I had to go to the doctor. It was a difficult choice to make, because my insurance had ran out the month before and I had no money. But I found a doctor who works on a sliding scale, and I was able to see SOMEONE at a price that didn't bankrupt me. That's how all of this got started. Turns out, my blood pressure was dangerously high, which really scared me. I don't know what caused my blood pressure to raise that high, because the last time I had gone to the doctor (about 2 weeks before) he said that it was only slightly higher than normal.

So the doctor put me on some meds (which also weren't too expensive, thankfully) and told me to come back in two weeks. Well I've been on the meds for three days and while it does seem to be helping with my blood pressure, I'm already starting to see some side effects. For one thing, I'm really REALLY tired. No matter how much I sleep, I still feel sluggish. It's getting to the point where it is bothersome. Also, I think the meds are upsetting my stomach. And I'm also occasionally getting cold feet and hands. I also went out in the sun today for a minute and got a really bad headache. All these are possible side-effects of the drugs (a combination of atenolol and chlorathalidone if that means anything to anyone). Plus every time I go to the doctor, It costs me money (25$ now that I'm unemployed, which will go up depending on my income)


I just feel so terrified right now. I'm terrified about the future. I still don't have a job and I'm not sure if I can keep paying for medical attention or meds. I'm afraid of what these meds might be doing to my body, or what kind of damage I might have already done. Not to mention my other problems I still have about no job and no car. I have so many things to worry about, that the idea of maybe being better off dead still crosses my mind. But despite all of these reasons I have to fear staying alive, I'm still afraid of dying. For all the times I thought about killing myself, it's much more frightening when I might not have a choice. I was so afraid of dying after I went to the doctor and heard how high my blood pressure was, I had to fight the urge to have a break down (stress is bad for high blood pressure), and I still am fighting that urge (though not doing as good a job as I would like). I even wrote a will of sorts. Basically a note on my computer that I'd like all my anime dvds and manga to go to Psypsi because I know he will not only have use for them, but will be able to give them to others who will too. It's not complete yet, I still need to type up my final message I'd like to be posted here and on my other websites in case I did die, and I still don't know who gets my NES or SNES and games. But that's just how afraid I was that day. The note's still on my computer now, even though I'm slightly less afraid now. All I could think about that day was my little brother, my little sister, my friends, all the people I have gotten to know online. How would they handle it if I died? How would their lives be different if I wasn't around? It's more terrifying than anything else I've mentioned. And the strange thing is, I don't know if it's the medicine aggravating these feelings or not.

I really don't want to die, not yet. But things are so scary right now I don't know what to do. This is a life-long change, maybe for the worse. I know that weight loss helps with lowering blood pressure, and I've gained more weight than I'm comfortable with anyway. But the medicine is making me so drowsy and it limits my tolerance for exercise. It's possible I may have to be on these medications my whole life, with all the bad side-effects. It's also possible I won't be able to eat the kinds of foods I like or grew up with, ever again. This is all just so much to take in at once. I need to talk to the doctor about the drowsiness, and see if I can perhaps be put on a different medicine, one that wont make me as drowsy and allows exercise. But this doctor doesn't really seem all that concerned with me, and that's also a problem. But better medical costs money, of which I have none. And there's still the fact that I'm not sure if I have done any damage to my body which might still kill me. I've been sleeping with my door open just in case I need to be rushed to the hospital or something. So much to worry about, I'm not sure if I can take all this. Before, when I thought my life was crashing down around me, I took for granted that was still in relatively good health. Now I don't even have that. I just... I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and scared. I just... I wish there was someone here to tell me everything was going to be ok...
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
20 June 2011 @ 03:14 pm
If you could find out what happens after you die, would you want to know?

No. That would ruin the surprise.
 
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
19 June 2011 @ 09:26 pm
What's the most memorable piece of advice your father has shared with you?

"There's a different between a lesbian and a dyke. About 40 pounds and a flannel shirt."
 
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
04 June 2011 @ 08:16 pm
 
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
03 June 2011 @ 05:19 am
My cat Nermal just passed away. Nermal was 13, which is elderly in cat years. He actually lived longer than any other pets I've ever had. I've known for a while he might not live much longer. Today he had been feeling sick and listless, so I brought him into my room to recover. I was planning on taking him to the vet in the morning. He went quickly and I was with him the whole time. There probably wasn't much I could have done, considering how quickly it happened. My only hope is that he did not suffer. I had his body cremated, and they are going to scatter his ashes at a memorial wall for pets.

On the logical side of my mind, I knew he was nearing the end of his life, and that I had made sure that he lived a full, healthy life, was comfortable and was loved. I knew all that, but even so, now that the time is finally here it still hurts. I loved Nermal, and he was the only thing in the world who loved me back. I've been crying all day and now I have a horrible headache and stomach ache. I don't know if I'll ever fully get over this, but all I can do is try to move forward.
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
23 May 2011 @ 01:05 pm
In three words, how would you describe Lady Gaga?
I don't care.
 
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
17 May 2011 @ 05:43 pm
If you were granted unlimited magic powers for just five minutes, what would you do?

Unlimited you say? Well then, couldn't I just enchant myself, so I could keep my powers after the five minutes were up? Assuming that breaks the rules, here's what I do. I'd make a suit of indestructible material, that granted a large portion of the "unlimited" magical power to anyone wearing it. Then I'd make it so that only I could wear the suit, unless I allow someone else access to it. But only I could use the suits full potential, alter the suit itself, or use it for longer than 5 minutes. Then I'd use my remaining time to make myself immortal, make myself fluent in all languages, cure all disease, create world peace, and then I'd just I'd probably just fly around in space for a while.
 
 
I'm a super fightin' robot from the year 2010!
29 April 2011 @ 06:50 pm
If you were invited to the Royal Wedding, what gift would get the bride and groom?

First off, let me say all this hub-bub over the royal wedding is a little silly. Especially considering I'm hearing about it in a country when it means even LESS than what it does in England (where it means very little). The British royal family doesn't DO much of anything anymore. It's like I say, you're not really a king unless you can point at someone and say "Off with their heads!" and have your guards follow through on that.

But ok, I'll play your little game. I've been invited to one of the snootiest, whitest things to happen this century. I'm probably wearing an uncomfortable suit, uncomfortable dress shoes and I can't bring my gameboy. So,I'm expected to give a gift, right? Me, the unemployed American is expected to give the richest people in their while country a gift. Ok fine. I choose the twin companion cubes. (http://store.valvesoftware.com/product.php?i=S0103) I'm going to assume the prince has played Portal, because play video games is all I'd do with the tonnes of disposable income and untold amounts of free time he has.

Now everyone, shut the hell up about the English royal family until one of them dies.